February 2012
12 posts
“oh, you’re still alive?”
– Dental assistant walking into the room a few minutes after the dentist applied novocaine
counterpoint
A week ago or so the the Times Travel Section ran an article lamenting the supposed decline of First Class on airplanes. Perhaps it really has declined, but I flew enough last year to become eligible for free upgrades and first class is pretty nice. Who possibly does not like a big comfy seat and unlimited beer and snacks? I’d fly longer and on a more roundabout route to score this.
starships, were they meant to fly?
Phony Calls by Weird Al
tell congress to take me back off birth control
The Onion needs to write this op-ed.
winning
On my W-2, the “wages, tips, other comp” amount ends in .47.
Godzilla by Blue Oyster Cult
an important message from the free range knife...
As this blog mentioned on Twitter, an emerging pastime in California is DIY slaughter. Unfortunately for these hobbyists, even in the foreign land of NorCal their name does not endear them to the wider home owning public. That’s where the Free Range Knife Enthusiasts Association comes in. With a name any young mother could love, the FRKEA—pronounced “freak”—advocates...
January 2012
8 posts
“We don’t have guys having ‘Shining’ weddings, or driving around in yellow VWs...”
– Tim Kirk, producer of a movie about Shining theories.
sponsorship preview
Like other leading website, this one is focused 100% on monetization. Below is a few of our exciting 2012 partners:
- Penguin Contemporary, publisher of Kill Bill 2 Fan Fiction Volume 8. - Hip new downtown sound of Wilco 2.0. - Gucci Mater, the official card of guccimate.com - JuicerDeluxe, the twice a day, twice as expensive way to shed a few pounds.
but wait, there's more
When you sign up in the next 47 minutes, guccimate.com, the lifestyle dating destination for the Gucci Mane enthusiast, will send you an official Gucci Mater card. That’s right if you act now this key to prestige can be yours. Gain access to the hottest clubs, impress the ladies, bask in the thought that you may be able to produce offspring. It’s all possible and only for a limited...
“Thank you for your generous gift. I plan to put most of it in savings and use...”
– Excerpt from thank you letter to grandparents written on page torn from a reporter notebook.
introducing guccimate.com
The lifestyle dating destination for the Gucci Mane enthusiast. Why settle for other dating services, when you can connect with your “Gucci Mate” on guccimate.com?
Our advanced computer algorithm take your answers to key life questions—best album of all time: Back to the Trap House or The State vs. Radric Davis?—and generates a proprietary Gucci Score to find your true...
favorite albums of 2011
In no particular order, incomplete and maybe too long*?
- Let England Shake by P.J. Harvey - Belong by The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - Coastal Grooves by Blood Orange - Cloud Nothings by Cloud Nothings - Idle Labor by Craft Spells - Double Cross by Sloan - Dye It Blonde by Smith Westerns - Veronica Falls by Veronica Falls - Smoke Ring For My Halo by Kurt Vile - Cults by Cults - Castlemania by...
December 2011
8 posts
The Night Santa Went Crazy by Weird Al
Remember...
truth in advertising?
This makes the Standford MBA look like a two year vacation.
update
Contrary to the below advice, I picked up the Bob Dylan Christmas album today. December 25th is going to be so sonically memorable this year!
solid 'advice'
To save money this holiday season, don’t buy Christmas music albums, just stream a mix of the song previews offered by music sites during your party. Nothing says holiday cheer quite like Bob Dylan’s Christmas In The Heart opus in 30 second intervals!
OK, the blog is coming back thanks to our newest sponsor, By Any Means—the Alberto Gonzales soap opera. “There’s a new man in town and he needs to know the gossip.” It sounds like it will be America’s favorite new daytime show when it premieres next year right after No Questions Asked. John Ashcroft recorded the theme song!
November 2011
11 posts
thanksgiving prep, florida style
Mom: Are you bringing white shorts for the croquet lesson?
Me: ????????
advertisement
You want answers. We don’t have questions. That’s why No Questions Asked is America’s new favorite daytime talk show. Give it a chance. You won’t be surprised.
Brother: Is this real? It is so amazing.
Me: Yes. Ira Glass and Terry Gross really created a sex tape, if you believe in miracles.
Kookies by MF Doom
advertisement
If you are 1 of the 47 million Americans who cannot bare to waste a minute of their time waiting for the answer, you must have been relieved that the proceeding post did not use the question mark. Now join your fellow 47ers each weekday for No Questions Asked, the only talk show that skips the questions to save time for the answers. It’s 30 minutes you cannot miss.
comment
This Katie Roiphe essay ignores the fact that sexual harassment laws/policies were created in large part in order to ensure equal opportunity to work based on the premise that if you are subject to a hostile environment you are unable to pursue the same job as someone who isn’t harassed. Women were/are the primary beneficiaries/proponents of the standard since they historically have suffered...
“No American woman should be denied access to family planning assistance because...”
– Richard Nixon, as quoted in a good New Yorker article on Planned Parenthood.
Is it possible to trade your body in for one that is able to without consequence stay out several nights a week drinking till 3am (the apparent NY norm)? If I try this, I’m left on the couch with a cold listening to an Apple TV Decemberists ‘genius’ mix.
October 2011
11 posts
New Slang by The Shins Bluegrass Tribute Band
This blog is sponsored by America’s hit new daytime television talk show, No Questions Asked. “Less words, more chatter!”
Everything You Know is Wrong by Weird Al
Waiting for October by Polaris (Music From The...
Not Workin’ by 8 Bit
Another classic in the...
Eatin’ Cat by 8 Bit. “That Martha...
“This was a man wearing a down vest and a camouflage hat, a man with a definite...”
– Joan Didion, Inside Baseball (the much talked about ‘88 essay.)
I’m content to never discuss political economy again because all I need to do is tell people I agree with everything ThinkProgress’s Matthew Yglesias says.